problems with alcohol

How An Alcoholic Blackout Will End A Relationship

Posted by admin on January 15, 2015
alcohol blackout / No Comments
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This pic is not the real people in the post

Chatting recently with a woman on the train during our trip from the Blue Mountains to the City. She’s visiting her daughter who lives in the Eastern suburbs. Once settled she said she hopes her daughter had something nice to eat when she arrived. “She usually does”. Just to keep the chat flowing I ask if her daughter was married. Well… she said, it so happens… ‘ Well, ..it’s funny you should ask, ..but well …yes, she was married recently, but now she’s separated and is getting a divorce …and so the story unfolds…

Sue her daughter, married Harry only around 3 months earlier and now they’re getting a divorce.

She first met Harry, a Fijian, and fairly new to Australia, and he seemed quite nice. He’s quite religious and Sue sometimes visited his church gatherings with him for support. Harry sang a little and he once played the guitar at a gathering.

Romance blossomed and both in their mid 30’s wanted to marry quickly. Sue owned her Eastern Suburbs apartment and they lived there once married.

Her brother runs a construction company and he employed Harry in a reasonably responsible position. The job came with a company vehicle that Harry could use on weekends also with petrol paid by the company. Harry settled into his new job fairly well without taking too much time off.

The couple enjoyed evenings together at home after work and sometimes they had friends over on the weekends. The evening something happened, they were home alone relaxing after dinner, with a glass of scotch playing records. They danced a little to the music and Sue then decided to play a favorite song that she and her father loved singing together when he was alive.

Sue put it on and sang along with the words. Harry listened intently and appeared to like it also. He gave Sue the thumbs up but then soon after the gesture changed to a thumbs down. Sue rather shocked, moved quickly to turn off the song, while at the same time asked Harry, “What does that mean?”

Soluble in Alcohol

Well, she doesn’t know what happened after that but she recalls being pinned down on the floor with Harry sitting on her. She cried out, ‘Don’t hit me, please don’t hit me’. She could feel the pain in her arm. Harry suddenly ripped off her clothing and with her only wearing pajamas she was naked. She thought he was going to rape her but he didn’t. Instead he shouted for her to book him a flight to Fiji.

Still pinned Sue reached for her mobile phone and tried to get online. She realized she couldn’t connect because her hands were shaking so much. She told Harry she would have to use the computer to book his flight . She didn’t think he’d let her up to do it but he did, and so she booked his one way ticket to Fiji for that night. A $600 ticket that he never used.

Sue managed to call her brother also, she needed him to come over ASAP. Desperately needing his support. He lives in outer Western suburbs and it took time for him to be there for her. While waiting Sue talked calmly to Harry. She assured him he could take the car to the airport and that she’d pick it up later and so he need not worry about leaving it.

She’s desperately checking to see how soon her brother would be before he gets there.

“I’m not far away now” he said. When he arrived he passed Harry outside near the car. The car door was open and in the light he could see Harry. He spoke briefly to him before heading inside to see sister Sue. After checking she’s okay he went back outside to talk with Harry but he was gone. Sue’s mum said that her son is probably sometimes a little racist and he came back inside and said to Sue that he couldn’t see Harry although he could still be in the shadows and he couldn’t see him because he’s black.

Harry did come back inside after a while and now with her brother there for support Sue told him how now he could see his daughter again, back in Fiji, and now with the money he will receive from her he can afford to send his daughter to a good school in Fiji.

The story was that Sue had a few dollars to protect when she married Harry and so had a per-nuptial agreement made up. The agreement was that Harry will receive $10.000 if the marriage broke down. Sue later told her mum that it is only $50 per year in Fiji to send a child to a ‘good school’.

Harry went back outside and later Sue and her brother went out to see that the car was gone. They guessed that Harry had taken it to the airport and caught his flight to Fiji.

Sue had photo’s taken of bruising and she laid assault charges.

It’s Over

Sue’s mum said her daughter told her later that Harry turned up again a couple of days later acting as if nothing had happened. It appeared to her that Harry thought their life would carry on as usual. Sue had to really spell it out to him that the marriage was over and that she was getting a divorce.

Now the Knowledge is Power on this blog interpretations of what had happened, and does happen regularly. This situation happens to people who are allergic to alcohol. They don’t know they are allergic to alcohol so are not aware of the effects. The average person would not recognise that alcohol caused Harry’s behavioral problem that night.  Fact is he had a personality change due to the alcohol. Not Sue’s mum, nor Sue nor her brother could guess that Harry had acted in an alcoholic blackout and that he had no recollection of what had happened that night.

Harry had an alcoholic blackout

Very few people can recognize an alcoholic blackout because there is very little info on it. The facts are deceiving.  Sue’s mum said they only had a small amounts from the scotch bottle that night and so it is understandable the problem is not identified as being directly related to alcohol.

Of course Harry could have had drinks before going home that night, but it can still happen this way if he didn’t. It’s virtually only people in Alcoholics Anonymous who can understand what has probably happened – and they are able to identify when the problem is alcoholism.

This knowledge comes from experience gained by attending AA meetings. We can safely say that a personality change happened to Harry. We can probably also safely say that it happened as a direct result of alcohol. Evidence is that Harry is a primary alcoholic He has destroyed a happy secure future for himself and he would have no idea why it happened. Sad but true that many similar cases happen everyday to people who drink and are allergic to alcohol.

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Heavy Drinkers Have No Life Experiences When They Arrive In AA

Posted by admin on July 11, 2014
alcoholism / No Comments

Heavy drinkers usually arrive to support groups with no experience of life except for situations that drinking puts them in and of work related experiences, in many cases. This is because booze has such an effect on us that there is nothing else in our lives.  Alcohol generally has taken complete control and when we get to AA we need to, learn to live in the day. Learn to think positive. Learn how to manage life, bills, our accommodation, finding suitable work, getting along with people. We usually have no idea about life and most of us know it.

The alcoholic is not an idiot. He usually knows the problems he has where living is concerned, hence the terror at the prospect of living without right_way_wrong_way_signbooze, as most of us know, we have no idea how to do that.

Other people in AA who are not like the real alkie do not have this problem. They have had successful relationships before they crossed the thin red line. They talk about this in the meetings.

While alcohol has been an issue for them, they can pick up their old life when they stop drinking and carry on.

The women with sex problems who come to AA also can pick up on their old lifestyle by latching onto someone in AA (hopefully someone who is sober) to satisfy their needs. This is usually done in secret and they then live as a married person with an OSM. They virtually have their thinking done for them as far as thinking about, bills, accommodation, meals being ready for them when they come home from work and then to get to a meeting each night.

The real alkie who comes to AA to get sober as a single person seldom has anything to salvage from the past. Their partner, if they have one, is someone they met while drinking. Their partner married a drunk, and so will not even recognise them as a sober alkie. Not be recognised as the person they married but as someone different. This is a problem for the alkie. Usually the partner is also someone who drinks which means the sober alkie has to get out of their way. That is if they want to stay alive.

Old mates of the alkie likewise are generally drunks too. Who else but another drunk would put up with active alcoholism? With someone who’s life is in ruin and is run by alcohol?

These are very clear differences between the real alcoholic and the other people who come to AA. Alcoholics, to get sober, need to be managing their thinking on a minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day basis, until we have put enough days in to have picked up enough experience of living life without alcohol, to gain a bit of sober living experience.

That shows us that life can be good without drink and then if we continue to get sober and attend meetings we will gradually pick up the living experience we did not get while drinking. This then results in us becoming the people we would have been had we never drank. It’s as simple as that.

Alkies are not sexual predators, criminals, psychopaths, drug addicts and we are unlike any of these types that also find their way to AA and lets face it – they have a right to be there too as they are safer sober than drunk. The danger though is for the real alcoholic in AA because this information, that not all are alcoholics and there for the same reason is not out in the open and so they listen to people doing daily steps to keep their other urges under control. When the alkie like in the other articles on this blog  so rightly states. Alcoholics need to live in the day, and stay away from the past all together which is also the old environment.

There are no answers there for them and it is impossible for him/her to get sober while trying to be two people. Alcoholism is a mental thing for us and we are not mentally able to be the person we were and carry on old relationships with the past while getting sober and living a sober life.

Interestingly, it is now widely known in the world of psychology that retrospection does not solve any problems unless there is a cause to the issue – i.e. someone was abused as a kid, beaten up by their family – an issue that causes a particular reaction.  In this instance there may be some benefit in knowing the cause and replacing the pictures created in the mind so that a new reaction can occur.

This is not the situation for alkies coming to AA to get sober. Instead they need to learn a new way of thinking and not to be re-hashing the past when what happened to them happened because they were an alcoholic and it couldn’t have been any other way when they are drinking. This is because alcohol and so therefor other people are in control of their lives when they are drinking. By getting sober they need to learn to take control of their own lives, usually for the first time. Contrary to what the spiritualists will tell them to, ‘hand it over’

No different from when they were drinking so is why they do not survive long enough to get sober on this dud information.

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Signs of Problem Drinking – Do You Drink Alcohol for the Taste or the Effect?

Posted by admin on February 21, 2014
alcoholism / No Comments

First of all lets get it clear that there are people in society who don’t have a problem alcohol. They are the people who like to drink and it has no ill effects. They do exist. Alcohol is part of their life and they can enjoy a drink on any or many occasions and can take it or leave it at any time. They are classified as social drinkers They drink for  pleasure, for taste and not for effect and if they do they know when to stop.

There are basically two types of problem drinking: The primary and the secondary alcoholic. These people are allergic to alcohol. Other types of problem drinking are the heavy drinkers. Then there’s the brain damaged – who drink too much – and the people with existing mental problems – who should limit their consumption of alcohol or it can cause their existing mental condition to be much worse.

The primary alcoholic has a problem the start. They drink alcohol for the effect. They do not necessarily like the taste at all. Unfortunately usually they are dead by around 30 years of age. If they haven’t stopped drinking by then they are in big trouble. They are intelligent, drinking-alcoholsensitive people. And especially sensitive to alcohol. They are allergic to it. The allergy effect is instantaneous. The allergy is to the brain. The secondary alcoholic is effected by an allergy to alcohol also similar to other food allergies that people have.

Primary alcoholics are all about the same age when they start drinking alcohol and their negative experience from alcohol is the same. This is that they have devastating and lasting effects from drinking. They have blackouts from first time drinking. Anyone who doesn’t know what a blackout is – it means they were still functioning but have no recollection of what  they did or what happened while they were drinking.

They can quite often find they have injuries when they come out of a blackout. Possibly a black eye or something similar and they don’t know how it happened. They often can wake up in police cells with blood splattered on their shirt and they don’t know if it’s their own blood or if it belongs to someone else. They’re not likely to know why they’re in lock-up and can wonder if they have killed someone. Many are also in prison serving sentences for crimes, sometimes even murder, that they don’t know if they have committed or not. For all they know they could have been framed. They are truly mugs if they keep on drinking after such terrible effects, but they still do carry on. AA is the only place known to have results with them stopping drinking.

The other type, the SECONDARY alcoholic still has an allergic reaction to alcohol but they are people who have a tolerance to alcohol where they can drink heavily for years without much of a problem. Until one day they cross: the-thin-red-line into uncontrolled drinking. Up until then they can get drunk regularly and sober up to continue a ‘normal’ life. A life that’s normal to them at the time, anyway. They may not see it that way when they do sober up. Same as a primary alcoholic in that respect.

Alcohol affects a PRIMARY alcoholic in a way that he/she is never the same mentally after the first drink. They have a personality change and they have acquired a new dud personality and this becomes the new ‘normal’ for them. It is a substitute to the normal life they had before starting to drink. They deteriorate mentally from this point on as well. That is until they have to stop drinking or die and then they need to get on a track of getting sober. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is the only place known where they can do this. Unfortunately most do not live long enough to make it to AA.

During this time of drinking before they get sober, the only thing that carries a primary alcoholic through life is the next drink. They must have the alcohol to settle down the thinking. For them, in one sense alcohol is a dangerous delusive drug. In another sense it’s the only thing carrying them through daily life. Alcohol makes them see things how they want to see them and not how they really. they can think they are going okay when they are not.

In reality there life is heading downhill fast although they are usually still optimistic by creating new ideas and new ventures that it seems for a time will turn-things-around from their bout of bad luck . They see their problem as just, they are a good person having a bad trot, and that tomorrow will be a better day. Getting sober for them as primary alcoholics takes years to achieve. 5 to 7 years.

Primary and secondary alcoholics in general end up in the same way after the secondary crosses-the-thin-red-line into uncontrolled drinking. The secondary though doesn’t have the mental problems the primary alcoholic has when they stop drinking. The secondary’s problems can be more physical rather then mental. There are always exceptions to the rule though. Only they know this.

They can have liver problems and can still have mental stress and anxiety but usually not the same type of mental problem. It’s easier for secondaries to resume a reasonably normal life after stopping drinking. That’s because they had some normal structure during their drinking. In a lot of areas they can pick up on the old life without drinking.

Another type is the HEAVY DRINKER. They can go out with friends regularly, and have a good time getting drunk. The heavy-drinker can stop drinking completely when he wants to. They may seem like alcoholics but are not and they do not have an allergy to alcohol.

Another type of problem drinker is one who have mental problems or who sometimes is on medication for schizophrenia and who should not drink alcohol at all. There is also the people also who have brain damage. They should not drink. If they do it can have devastating effects.

Some  have mental problems without alcohol. They can become violent when drinking and are then are wrongly diagnosed as alcoholics and sent to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings by doctors or counsellors. They shouldn’t be there. They are in the wrong place. They are the ones who we hear about who go home after drinking and beat up their wives. They can have numerous drink driving offenses, etc. They are an overall dangerous person and consuming alcohol makes them worse.

They are not alcoholics but are often sent to AA by the do-gooders. This then becomes confusing for the real people who attend AA because they have a problem with alcohol, and nothing else.

 

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