Chatting recently with a woman on the train during our trip from the Blue Mountains to the City. She’s visiting her daughter who lives in the Eastern suburbs. Once settled she said she hopes her daughter had something nice to eat when she arrived. “She usually does”. Just to keep the chat flowing I ask if her daughter was married. Well… she said, it so happens… ‘ Well, ..it’s funny you should ask, ..but well …yes, she was married recently, but now she’s separated and is getting a divorce …and so the story unfolds…
Sue her daughter, married Harry only around 3 months earlier and now they’re getting a divorce.
She first met Harry, a Fijian, and fairly new to Australia, and he seemed quite nice. He’s quite religious and Sue sometimes visited his church gatherings with him for support. Harry sang a little and he once played the guitar at a gathering.
Romance blossomed and both in their mid 30’s wanted to marry quickly. Sue owned her Eastern Suburbs apartment and they lived there once married.
Her brother runs a construction company and he employed Harry in a reasonably responsible position. The job came with a company vehicle that Harry could use on weekends also with petrol paid by the company. Harry settled into his new job fairly well without taking too much time off.
The couple enjoyed evenings together at home after work and sometimes they had friends over on the weekends. The evening something happened, they were home alone relaxing after dinner, with a glass of scotch playing records. They danced a little to the music and Sue then decided to play a favorite song that she and her father loved singing together when he was alive.
Sue put it on and sang along with the words. Harry listened intently and appeared to like it also. He gave Sue the thumbs up but then soon after the gesture changed to a thumbs down. Sue rather shocked, moved quickly to turn off the song, while at the same time asked Harry, “What does that mean?”
Soluble in Alcohol
Well, she doesn’t know what happened after that but she recalls being pinned down on the floor with Harry sitting on her. She cried out, ‘Don’t hit me, please don’t hit me’. She could feel the pain in her arm. Harry suddenly ripped off her clothing and with her only wearing pajamas she was naked. She thought he was going to rape her but he didn’t. Instead he shouted for her to book him a flight to Fiji.
Still pinned Sue reached for her mobile phone and tried to get online. She realized she couldn’t connect because her hands were shaking so much. She told Harry she would have to use the computer to book his flight . She didn’t think he’d let her up to do it but he did, and so she booked his one way ticket to Fiji for that night. A $600 ticket that he never used.
Sue managed to call her brother also, she needed him to come over ASAP. Desperately needing his support. He lives in outer Western suburbs and it took time for him to be there for her. While waiting Sue talked calmly to Harry. She assured him he could take the car to the airport and that she’d pick it up later and so he need not worry about leaving it.
She’s desperately checking to see how soon her brother would be before he gets there.
“I’m not far away now” he said. When he arrived he passed Harry outside near the car. The car door was open and in the light he could see Harry. He spoke briefly to him before heading inside to see sister Sue. After checking she’s okay he went back outside to talk with Harry but he was gone. Sue’s mum said that her son is probably sometimes a little racist and he came back inside and said to Sue that he couldn’t see Harry although he could still be in the shadows and he couldn’t see him because he’s black.
Harry did come back inside after a while and now with her brother there for support Sue told him how now he could see his daughter again, back in Fiji, and now with the money he will receive from her he can afford to send his daughter to a good school in Fiji.
The story was that Sue had a few dollars to protect when she married Harry and so had a per-nuptial agreement made up. The agreement was that Harry will receive $10.000 if the marriage broke down. Sue later told her mum that it is only $50 per year in Fiji to send a child to a ‘good school’.
Harry went back outside and later Sue and her brother went out to see that the car was gone. They guessed that Harry had taken it to the airport and caught his flight to Fiji.
Sue had photo’s taken of bruising and she laid assault charges.
Sue’s mum said her daughter told her later that Harry turned up again a couple of days later acting as if nothing had happened. It appeared to her that Harry thought their life would carry on as usual. Sue had to really spell it out to him that the marriage was over and that she was getting a divorce.
Now the Knowledge is Power on this blog interpretations of what had happened, and does happen regularly. This situation happens to people who are allergic to alcohol. They don’t know they are allergic to alcohol so are not aware of the effects. The average person would not recognise that alcohol caused Harry’s behavioral problem that night. Fact is he had a personality change due to the alcohol. Not Sue’s mum, nor Sue nor her brother could guess that Harry had acted in an alcoholic blackout and that he had no recollection of what had happened that night.
Harry had an alcoholic blackout
Very few people can recognize an alcoholic blackout because there is very little info on it. The facts are deceiving. Sue’s mum said they only had a small amounts from the scotch bottle that night and so it is understandable the problem is not identified as being directly related to alcohol.
Of course Harry could have had drinks before going home that night, but it can still happen this way if he didn’t. It’s virtually only people in Alcoholics Anonymous who can understand what has probably happened – and they are able to identify when the problem is alcoholism.
This knowledge comes from experience gained by attending AA meetings. We can safely say that a personality change happened to Harry. We can probably also safely say that it happened as a direct result of alcohol. Evidence is that Harry is a primary alcoholic He has destroyed a happy secure future for himself and he would have no idea why it happened. Sad but true that many similar cases happen everyday to people who drink and are allergic to alcohol.