primary alcoholic

How An Alcoholic Blackout Will End A Relationship

Posted by admin on January 15, 2015
alcohol blackout / No Comments
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This pic is not the real people in the post

Chatting recently with a woman on the train during our trip from the Blue Mountains to the City. She’s visiting her daughter who lives in the Eastern suburbs. Once settled she said she hopes her daughter had something nice to eat when she arrived. “She usually does”. Just to keep the chat flowing I ask if her daughter was married. Well… she said, it so happens… ‘ Well, ..it’s funny you should ask, ..but well …yes, she was married recently, but now she’s separated and is getting a divorce …and so the story unfolds…

Sue her daughter, married Harry only around 3 months earlier and now they’re getting a divorce.

She first met Harry, a Fijian, and fairly new to Australia, and he seemed quite nice. He’s quite religious and Sue sometimes visited his church gatherings with him for support. Harry sang a little and he once played the guitar at a gathering.

Romance blossomed and both in their mid 30’s wanted to marry quickly. Sue owned her Eastern Suburbs apartment and they lived there once married.

Her brother runs a construction company and he employed Harry in a reasonably responsible position. The job came with a company vehicle that Harry could use on weekends also with petrol paid by the company. Harry settled into his new job fairly well without taking too much time off.

The couple enjoyed evenings together at home after work and sometimes they had friends over on the weekends. The evening something happened, they were home alone relaxing after dinner, with a glass of scotch playing records. They danced a little to the music and Sue then decided to play a favorite song that she and her father loved singing together when he was alive.

Sue put it on and sang along with the words. Harry listened intently and appeared to like it also. He gave Sue the thumbs up but then soon after the gesture changed to a thumbs down. Sue rather shocked, moved quickly to turn off the song, while at the same time asked Harry, “What does that mean?”

Soluble in Alcohol

Well, she doesn’t know what happened after that but she recalls being pinned down on the floor with Harry sitting on her. She cried out, ‘Don’t hit me, please don’t hit me’. She could feel the pain in her arm. Harry suddenly ripped off her clothing and with her only wearing pajamas she was naked. She thought he was going to rape her but he didn’t. Instead he shouted for her to book him a flight to Fiji.

Still pinned Sue reached for her mobile phone and tried to get online. She realized she couldn’t connect because her hands were shaking so much. She told Harry she would have to use the computer to book his flight . She didn’t think he’d let her up to do it but he did, and so she booked his one way ticket to Fiji for that night. A $600 ticket that he never used.

Sue managed to call her brother also, she needed him to come over ASAP. Desperately needing his support. He lives in outer Western suburbs and it took time for him to be there for her. While waiting Sue talked calmly to Harry. She assured him he could take the car to the airport and that she’d pick it up later and so he need not worry about leaving it.

She’s desperately checking to see how soon her brother would be before he gets there.

“I’m not far away now” he said. When he arrived he passed Harry outside near the car. The car door was open and in the light he could see Harry. He spoke briefly to him before heading inside to see sister Sue. After checking she’s okay he went back outside to talk with Harry but he was gone. Sue’s mum said that her son is probably sometimes a little racist and he came back inside and said to Sue that he couldn’t see Harry although he could still be in the shadows and he couldn’t see him because he’s black.

Harry did come back inside after a while and now with her brother there for support Sue told him how now he could see his daughter again, back in Fiji, and now with the money he will receive from her he can afford to send his daughter to a good school in Fiji.

The story was that Sue had a few dollars to protect when she married Harry and so had a per-nuptial agreement made up. The agreement was that Harry will receive $10.000 if the marriage broke down. Sue later told her mum that it is only $50 per year in Fiji to send a child to a ‘good school’.

Harry went back outside and later Sue and her brother went out to see that the car was gone. They guessed that Harry had taken it to the airport and caught his flight to Fiji.

Sue had photo’s taken of bruising and she laid assault charges.

It’s Over

Sue’s mum said her daughter told her later that Harry turned up again a couple of days later acting as if nothing had happened. It appeared to her that Harry thought their life would carry on as usual. Sue had to really spell it out to him that the marriage was over and that she was getting a divorce.

Now the Knowledge is Power on this blog interpretations of what had happened, and does happen regularly. This situation happens to people who are allergic to alcohol. They don’t know they are allergic to alcohol so are not aware of the effects. The average person would not recognise that alcohol caused Harry’s behavioral problem that night.  Fact is he had a personality change due to the alcohol. Not Sue’s mum, nor Sue nor her brother could guess that Harry had acted in an alcoholic blackout and that he had no recollection of what had happened that night.

Harry had an alcoholic blackout

Very few people can recognize an alcoholic blackout because there is very little info on it. The facts are deceiving.  Sue’s mum said they only had a small amounts from the scotch bottle that night and so it is understandable the problem is not identified as being directly related to alcohol.

Of course Harry could have had drinks before going home that night, but it can still happen this way if he didn’t. It’s virtually only people in Alcoholics Anonymous who can understand what has probably happened – and they are able to identify when the problem is alcoholism.

This knowledge comes from experience gained by attending AA meetings. We can safely say that a personality change happened to Harry. We can probably also safely say that it happened as a direct result of alcohol. Evidence is that Harry is a primary alcoholic He has destroyed a happy secure future for himself and he would have no idea why it happened. Sad but true that many similar cases happen everyday to people who drink and are allergic to alcohol.

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About Alcoholism and Alcoholics Anonymous

Posted by admin on January 04, 2012
alcoholism / 2 Comments

When talking about alcoholism and AA it is useful to spell it out to the alcoholic what the problem is so that he understands.

The primary alcoholic, although he may not drink every day, will drink again once he has started. This needs to be told in schools to kids before they start to drink alcohol.

This is fact, that once he has taken that very first drink, of his life as an adult, he is now unable to stop drinking alcohol for any length of time.

He is not able to stay stopped from starting again. That is even when he has finished one drinking session he will be in another one at the next opportunity. It is inevitable that he will keep drinking even if he swears to never touch it again.

He may stay off it for a day or two until he recovers from a hangover but he finds that after that he then has no other choice but to continue to drink alcohol.

He has now become a different person to the person he was before he picked up that very first drink. That is as an adult. Some will say that they drank here and there as children however this is a different situation and they were at that time usually not able to have access to an unlimited supply. Because of this fact and other considerations it is best to concentrate on the problem of what happens to an alcoholic once he starts drinking as an adult.

The alcohol changes him as a person and when he drinks he acts out of character and he can not guarantee his behaviour. It is only alcoholics that can begin to understand this after it is explained to them. That is what happens to someone who is allergic to alcohol and is therefore considered a primary alcoholic.

The problem is that in today’s society it is considered normal to be drinking alcohol. Because of this and other reasons he is unaware of the dangers he faces. The alcoholic does not realize what sort of situation he is getting himself into once he starts drinking.

If he is a primary alcoholic he will be unable to stop drinking once he starts. Not for any length of time and no matter how hard he tries. Not until alcohol stops working for him. This happens after the effects of alcohol has completely destabilized his life, his mind, and in many cases has ruined his health as well.

This is a time when he is in real trouble and especially if he doesn’t find AA. Only the tough alkies live long enough to get to AA. They then have to be tougher still to be able to stay around and survive AA. It’s not easy but it’s easier than drinking.

He is now in a position that he cannot imagine. He cannot drink anymore but he cannot stop either. His life can not go on in the same way any longer. Either with or without alcohol and in many cases he is faced with the only option that he can see to get out of the situation he is in. That is for him to commit suicide. RIP Bluey, Wayne, Robyn, Steve, and many many others …

A small percentage of alcoholics at this time are  lucky enough to get to AA before this happens and an even smaller percentage are lucky enough to survive the problems they will face in AA meetings.

Unfortunately they are then luckier still if they can stay around AA. It can happen if they meet someone who is like himself and someone who knows what is ahead for him to get him sober. Someone who can therefore help him navigate his way through the early days of getting sober.

It is so important for an alcoholic to know what to do next once he stops drinking. He needs everything spelled out to him in a very precise and very specific way. If not he will likely misinterpret what is happening in his reality and this will include misinterpreting what is said to him by the sober people around him who are able to help him. That is unless it is spelled out to him very clearly and without ambiguity. This is how important it is in the early days for a short-term to AA alcoholic to catch on and to understand sobriety. It is so easy for him to miss it.

You will often hear people say at AA meetings that it doesn’t matter how long someone is sober. They will say that it is not important to have sober alcoholics around to help you. This is so untrue and hearing someone say this proves undoubtedly that the person saying it is not an alcoholic. If the new comer listens to this wrong advice it will cause him to leave AA and he will die. This is happening all the time.

I hope this site can be a great resource for alkies. Tell us if it has helped you.

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About Alcoholism: The Primary Alcoholic

Posted by admin on January 02, 2012
alcoholism / No Comments

The alcoholic is quite a different person to someone who is just a heavy drinker. The heavy drinker is not someone who is allergic to alcohol where the primary alcoholic is.

A primary alcoholic usually starts drinking at a young age and can’t stop once he starts drinking. A heavy drinker can stop when he wants to stop. Basically that is the difference between the two, alcoholic and heavy drinker.

Similarities between the two are that they are both unaware what is going on in the real world. When they drink alcohol they have the wool pulled over their eyes on important social issues.  Recent examples are that politicians are making laws that violate the constitution and human rights.

What happens to a primary alcoholic is that they take that fatal first drink. Life is never the same again.  What happens to them is that the ideas they had about life before they drink has changed. Their personality changes after drinking. The plans and ambitions they had before picking up the first drink has gone out the window. These things are not important to them anymore. Instead they take up doing things that they would have never done prior to having that first alcoholic drink.

In a sense what happens is that the thinking flips. They have actually gone mad. They can not see themselves as they really are and for a while it seems that their life is going ok and that life is manageable to a certain extent, but in reality it is not. They make wrong decisions and lose trust in their own judgement.

During this time they rarely blame alcohol as the main problem. Instead they tend to blame themselves. The people around them also can not understand what has happened to a friend or loved one. The change happens most times very quickly.

When the personality change happens to the primary alcoholic he has no other option but to keep on drinking. The situation is to either keep drinking or they will go nuts and suicide. This is a situation that happens often because people are not aware of the effects of alcohol. Often relatives of the victim are left wondering why this person has taken their own life.

Problem is that a primary alcoholic is usually dead by the age of 30 if he or she is still drinking by that age. Unfortunately statistics will not back this up. The true cause of death is rarely put down on the death certificate that they died as a direct result of alcohol. It’s that they have had an accident, or committed suicide or were murdered or died in some other way.

In the case of suicide the wrong reason can easily be given by relatives because they do not understand the nature of alcoholism. They instead say that he or she had depression or anxiety or another related complaint. Jails are full of people convicted of crimes they have no recollection of what happened at the time. As high as 60% of offenders locked up are in there due to alcohol related problems.

Also a percentage of alcoholics locked up do not even know if they did the crime they were accused of or not. Instead they could have been set up by someone else for whatever reason. Fact is they wouldn’t know one way or another. This type of sutuation is due to alcoholic blackout – that they experience when drinking. It is only alcoholics who experience blackouts from drinking alcohol. A blackout is when they are functioning like normal but without any recollection of an event once they come out of the blackout.

The primary alkie if he is smart he will only look at alcohol in one way. That is that for him alcohol is a dangerous delusive drug and nothing else. It is one that makes him see things the way that he wants to see them and not as they really are.  For a primary alcoholic the damage happens to his thinking and it happens from that very first drink of alcohol.

The thinking has changed from what it was before he started drinking. He never see life in the same way again. The change is permanent with or without drink. On a day to day basis the thinking of a drunk stays with him until he becomes properly sober again. Getting sober also takes time.

 

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There Are Two Kinds of Alcoholics, Primary and Secondary

Posted by admin on November 07, 2011
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It is not well known that there are two kinds of alcoholics.
1. The primary alcoholic and
2. The secondary alcoholic.

This fact may not be of interest to anyone who is not wanting to get sober. It may not be of interest to people who sell alcohol. Many people earn their living through alcohol in one way or another. The politicians use alcohol associated problems as a source for revenue raising as well.

A primary alcoholic is the victim and not the perpetrator. The victim of alcohol. He has an allergy to alcohol. It is not like a normal allergy. Not like say an allergy to strawberries. Where if we eat them and break out in hives then common sense tells us not to eat strawberries again.

An allergy to alcohol however works in a different way to an allergy to strawberries. The allergy affects the frontal lobe of the brain. It can be called an allergy to the brain. The allergy affect is that it actually flips the brain or flips the thinking, which can mean the same thing. The effect is that instead of the allergy being a warning to stay away from alcohol it has the opposite effect. It sends a message telling the victim to drink more. The alcoholic is not consciously aware to the fact of what has happened however from then on the victim is forever chasing an effect. They don’t know what the effect is that they are chasing. They also never reach/achieve that effect. If they did they would know when to stop drinking. They never do and drink into blackouts or until they can not get any more. They can go into a blackout from as little as one drink.

The flipping effect happens to the victim from that very first drink. They are alcoholic and after that first drink they must keep on drinking. They have no other choice until they get to AA.

  • They have a personality change as a result of that first drink
  • They become a blackout drinker. It can also happen from the first time they drink.
  • They are drinking for the effect and they do not necessarily like the taste of alcohol

A primary alcoholic is someone who, before the first drink is doing well at school. He is good at his sport and he is a high achiever and has high ambition. He has the potential to top the field of any profession he chooses to be in. He starts drinking. Usually at a young adult age, and usually before leaving school. Once he has that fatal first drink the studies go out the window. He is no longer interested in school work. He forgets about plans he had for the future. His ideas and priorities in life have changed. He can not see himself as he really is.

To him alcohol is a dangerous delusive drug but he doesn’t see it that way. It makes him see things how he wants to see them and not how they really are. He is old if he is 30 and still drinking. If he hasn’t found AA before this he’s in big trouble. His heavy drinking mates have stopped drinking and have settled down to a normal life They probably have got married and have kids running around while the alkie is battling to keep his head above water.

He wonders why he can’t be the same as the heavy drinkers and blames himself because he knows no better. At this time or some other time he wants to stop drinking. He tries and spins out. Instead of life getting better it gets worse. Mentally he can’t cope. If he doesn’t find AA at this time to settle his thinking down he is likely instead to sign himself into a rehab or recovery centre, whatever they may be calling themselves. He becomes desperate and thinks he needs to sign in to a detox centre and to get on a program of praying and working steps for sobriety.

The mates who are alcoholic like him are all dead. They either died by car accident, or they had an alcoholic seizures, that is usually recorded as being a heart attack. Some were shot or stabbed or they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Some have a terrible accident of some sort and end up dead. Many after doing the rehab shuffle for so long, they have a terrible bust, meaning they drink again and so they suicide or they drink themselves to death. It is all alcohol related, of course.
One or two of their mates could also be serving time for a crime they do not know if they have committed it or not. That is because they have been in a blackout from alcohol when the crime happened. For all they know they could have been framed and are taking the wrap for someone else. It’s not uncommon to be in such a situation as a practicing alcoholic.

A blackout is known to be a period of time where they are functioning in what appears to be a normal situation. Normal except that they have no recollection of what they were doing during the time they were experiencing the blackout. It is common to hear an alcoholic say they have came out of a blackout to find themselves in another State or territory and without any recollection of how they got there or why they were there.

If they don’t get to AA they don’t have long to live. They get to a stage where alcohol is not working for them anymore. Only the tough alkies stay alive long enough to make it to A.A. They can also have a tough time in A.A. if they don’t get on a track of getting sober. They don’t have much of a chance of staying sober if they start praying and working steps for sobriety.

In AA these days most of the older sober members (OSM) have died off. There has not been people staying sober to take their place. The basic information a short-termer needs to stay sober is not coming from the floor anymore. Not like it used to be.  Instead they are getting dud information and they are not surviving AA.  Primary alcoholics in AA are more then likely treated with contempt. AA has:

  • Primary alcoholics
  • Secondary alcoholics
  • Spiritualists
  • Step workers

There is a couple other types as well. People come to AA for a variety of reasons. Some are other than alcohol. They are not alcoholics and this is a problem because if a short-termer does not identify he will not stay around. On the other hand, if he does not stay and if he leaves A.A. he will surely die.

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Is the Park Bench Drunk an Alcoholic?

Posted by admin on October 20, 2011
A.A., alcoholic / No Comments

If you read the previous article on this subject you may be asking, ‘what constitutes an alcoholic’ or ‘what is an alcoholic.’  Is it the park bench drunk.  Is that the typical alcoholic? Is the hopeless wino who sleeps in the street or on the park bench an alcoholic?

What Constitutes an Alcoholic?

The answer is, No they are not alcoholic. They are not primary alcoholics. They are just drunks. Would you consider someone who drinks 15 schooners every day after work an alcoholic. That’s more than 14 pints of beer every day.  I thought surely this person would be an alcoholic but no he is not.

The reason he is not is because he is predictable. He turns up for work every day. He’s home on time each day for dinner. His wife knows what time to put dinner on the table and even the dog knows when to get ready to greet him at the door. He may fall asleep in front of the telly each night but other than that he never causes anyone to much trouble.

Only They Know

Although if any of those described above were to call themselves alcoholic then this could be different. There are always exceptions to the rule and when it all boils down only they know themselves what is going on inside their own head.

I was told by an older sober member (OSM) that because there can be always exceptions to the rule only they can say. It  is said by the OSM’s that we really don’t know if they are or are not alcoholics until we can hear their story. Preferably from the floor of an AA meeting.

There are two kinds of alcoholics. The Primary Alcoholic and the Secondary Alcoholic. The primary alkie is the one I refer to when discussing an alcoholic.  The primary alcoholic is someone who is actually allergic to alcohol and is affected from that very first drink of alcohol.

It’s About What it Does To You

Alcoholism is not about how much you drink or how often you drink it is about what it does to you. What it does to a primary alcoholic is that they have an allergy to alcohol, and it affects the brain. This causes them to have a personality change.

It happens from that very first drink of alcohol. The personality change causes them to do things they don’t understand, and things that go against their own nature. They don’t have control over themselves. They don’t like what has happened to them and they swear that this will never happen again, but it does, time and again.

A Derelict Rather Then An Alcoholic

The park bench drunk on the other hand is quite happy and contented in an odd sort of way. He is better described as a derelict rather than an alcoholic. He is not an immediate danger to anyone or himself. The alcohol is not liable to kill him. Not in the same way it affects someone who is allergic to alcohol. The type is referred to in these articles is a primary alcoholic. The story of the school teacher helps to define alcoholic drinking As opposed to heavy drinking like the derelict on the park bench.

If you would like to leave a comment on this article please do.

 

 

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