getting sober

Reflections Group: Doesn’t Reflect on Sobriety

Posted by admin on April 04, 2017
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Some AA Meetings include a Reflections group as an AA meeting. Primary’s (allergic to alcohol) don’t get sober at these meetings. Instead they are turned off going to meetings.

They say that only 1% of the people who walk through the doors of AA get sober. Media is liable to say anything up to 10%. It’s simply not true. For a start they’re only guessing because there’s no way of knowing how many people walk through the doors.

AA is anonymous and so no one knows who comes and goes. If even 1% of people stay and get sober the walls of AA would be bulging with happy sober people. They are not, instead meetings are closing due to lack of members.
Members reported recently going to a Daily Reflections group meeting and noted how many wrong things there were. Wrong in the way that the meeting was not in line with the original format of AA meetings. Primaries (people allergic to alcohol) will not get sober at these types of meetings and need to be avoided. These types meetings will send them nuts, therefor they kill alcoholics.

Things wrong with Reflections Group:

1. This reflections group only went for an hour. Traditional AA meetings always go for an hour and a half. They would only start at 8pm. This is so people who work can attend. It’s so important people work when getting sober. They have their travel time, time to eat, and time to find the meeting before it starts.

2. The Daily Reflections meeting (meeting weekly) was not set up in a proper way. They had around 45 people in attendance. They had them sit in not one but 3 circles. 3 circles around the chairman sitting in the middle.

This means that people in outer circle and middle circle were talking to everyone’s back. The people sitting inner circle were talking to people on the other side of the chairman or to people behind them. Virtually no eye contact for anyone. They couldn’t see who was talking most of the time. Blockheads running the meeting. Not alcoholics.

The chairman started the meeting by reading Chapter 5 of the Big Book, How It Works (how it doesn’t work it should be). Luckily he read at a reasonable speed. Sometimes it’s a slow process for a variety of reasons that we won’t go into right now. as the meeting only went for an hour. Next though he asked someone to read out the 12 Traditions. Then after that another book called “Daily Reflections”.

3. Then back to the chairman ready to start the meeting. He reminded people it’s only an hour meeting so they needed to ‘share the time.There were 40 to 45 people and after the readings they had 40 minutes left to speak. That is absolutely crazy.

4. Out of the 8 or so people who go to speak only 1 or 2 briefly identified – meaning told a little of their story. The rest with a few minutes each to speak, instead of telling their story, praised god. For what, who knows?

Panic Attack

One women in her 5 minutes said she was sober for a short time. She now has god in her life due to ‘doing the steps’ and said ‘that is lovely.’ In the next breath she said that, just last week, she had a Panic Attack. She thought she was going to die. She knew what was happening because she had them before.

It was so sad because she did not relate her results (the panic attack) to what she was doing. The women couldn’t see she was not getting sober. The panic attack was a direct result of what she was doing. God is not the right one to be seeking help from in the meetings. This point is often lost.

The next person asked to speak is a male. He simply praised god for him being there, and so it went on. Many said the same as each other. One bloke had a 1st birthday and so during the 40 minute meeting a Birthday Card went around for everyone to sign. This often happens at meetings and it’s so very distracting.

They have birthdays for sobriety. So silly. On closing the meeting everyone formed a large circle by holding hands and before saying the Serenity Prayer to close they sang happy birthday to the bloke who’s a year sober. Wacky do! …won’t see him next year.

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How To Find A Sponsor – Questions you need to ask to find an AA sponsor

Posted by admin on March 31, 2017
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To follow certain guidelines in choosing an AA sponsor is wise and is very important. Making a mistake really can be troublesome and it’s a matter of life and death. Even though it’s regularly spruked at meetings to, “get a sponsor” Telling people to do that is not really the right thing to do. Not unless you get lucky and find a good one.

Sobriety matters and it’s important to know that a sponsor will not get you sober. Knowing this then it’s wise to never put completefind a sponsor in aa meetings trust in that one person. Don’t assume like we do that a sponsor knows how to keep you sober. Many people have made that mistake. In fact there’s a 95% chance they can’t help you.

Worse then that they can be downright dangerous to sobriety. Best thing to do is find an AA group where they are keeping people like you sober. Doing this is a much better option then to find a sponsor. This way the group is your sponsor.

There are few groups that have success, unfortunately. The question then needs to be, Where did the sponsor get sober? AA is not AA as a whole, it’s a collection of groups and each group is autonomous. If a primary Alcoholic (someone allergic to alcohol) is sober enough to be a sponsor then there must have a history of him or her getting sober in AA. They didn’t get sober by accident. They would have to have known what they were doing to be still around.

The Group is Your Sponsor

To find a sponsor there needs to be careful consideration. Questions need to be asked of the prospective sponsor. They are:

  • How long are you sober? In the answer back make sure it is unbroken sobriety they have. Sometimes they forget they had a little drink during that time somewhere along the line. The question can often determine if they are making mistakes they haven’t picked up on.  It’s not wise to choose someone less then 7 years sober. That means from their last drink. Finding someone with over 10 years sobriety is preferred but much harder to do.
  • Ask where did you get sober? i.e. what group, what state, what country
  • Who are the sober members who helped you in that group, state, country, in your early days of getting sober? It’s important to check them out to see if they have stability. It’s like when you go for a job and need to show references and work history.
  • It’s wise to ask how many meetings do you do now – and how many did you do in the early days of you getting sober? This question can be confronting for people who haven’t done the distance and it may put them on a spot. That’s unfortunate however this is a matter of life and death for you to obtain the right sponsor. Most primary’s die before the age of 30 because they don’t get the help they need.
  • What type of group do they belong to? A primary s only interested in I.D. groups. I.D. is the only format of group that suit you. To identify. That means to: Tell your story of, What it was like (when drinking) What happened (how you got to aa) What it is like now (how long sober and what you’re doing to stay sober)
    Stay away from other so called AA groups. The meeting is in fact not an AA meeting unless it’s an I.D. meeting. Other 12 Step meetings may work for some people. People with all sorts of other problems attend but these are not AA meeting and the people are not Primary’s.
  • Make sure the sponsor is not spiritual. If this is what they rely on as information for you  then they will have you praying and working 12 Steps. This doesn’t work for you so don’t do any of that and especially don’t do a step 4. It is a deadly practice. Just stay on the first step. That is to be making your life manageable on a daily basis.

Get A Sponsor V Achieving Positive Results On Your Own.

To achieve positive results at AA meetings depends on doing the right things. Then doing it being duplicated. Once you are on track you will look at other people who are doing it differently and watch how they are going. Are they are getting better results them you. If so find out why.
In the meantime just follow instructions to Keep It Simple, stay on the first step. Once you start to settle down and achieve results then this is proof that the system you are on works. Change what you are doing will get different results. In my experience of teaching this to people do stay sober.

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Alcoholics Anonymous, and the Two Hat Wearer

Posted by admin on March 20, 2017
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There are two ways at trying to get sober in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). The right way and the wrong way. One way works and the other doesn’t. Unfortunately the way that works is not the most popular way these days. Although it once was. Now a strange situation has arose where the majority are doing it the wrong way. Just to confuse it a little more there is also the Two Hat Wearer. These people change their opinion to suite the situation – or when they are cornered and have to be seen as rational.

alcoholics anonymous and the two hat wearer

The name of the game is staying sober and everything else is irrelevant. A fact that eludes the spiritualists and step workers who frequent AA meetings.

It may sound crazy to a logical thinker that something that doesn’t work is more popular then something that does. Unfortunately logical thinking is not a high attribute to many people attending AA meetings. They frequent AA meetings for varied reasons and sobriety isn’t one of them. They are what we can call predators. They use the malfunction to their advantage. Like any predator does.

It’s illogical to attend AA meetings to pray and work steps. Especially illogical when it doesn’t work. Not for a victim of alcohol who is a primary (someone allergic to alcohol) They come and are told to do ‘the program’

If they’re a primary they will not last and drink again. They leave AA and die. Then another lot come in to take their place. They are told to do the same. The same thing that sent the last lot to the bone yard. Told by people who’s primary purpose is not sobriety.

Stay Sober Without Working Steps

The step workers tell a short-termer (someone new) to stay away from the people who are staying sober and doing it easy.  The consensus of following such dud advice is that they don’t stay sober.

Can Primary’s be happy not drinking? Of course they can – if they do AA meetings and stay away from the first drink. The sober people tell short-termers to stay away from step-workers and spiritualists. Because they simply don’t keep anyone sober.

They say they pray and work steps. They are liars. It’s madness to live that way and it will send people mad. They go mad then have no choice but to drink again. It’s the only thing that will settle the head down.

Unfortunately the sobriety situation is no better when they go to so called ‘professional people’ Like counselors, social workers, detox centres etc. Their customer base is people who are desperately wanting help with an alcohol allergy. They instead are treated like drug addicts. They will end up committing suicide. There’s no other way out.

The Two Hat Wearer

The two hat wearers go to steps groups and spiritual groups and be spiritual for some situations and then go to ID groups. They agree that an alkie can get sober on the first step. They will say they are not spiritualists when attending ID groups. Not being spiritual means they operate on the first step only.

A two hat wearer will be someone else also in AA. It’s mainly a women who is in a secret relationship with an older sober member (OSM) While in the relationship they will say they are getting sober as a single person. This simply is not true. It’s dangerous and it’s deceptive. The single member has a different set of rules and problems to ‘married’ people getting sober.

The person deceiving their group members in this way is called a two hat wearer.

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AA and How It Doesn’t Work

Posted by admin on July 12, 2014
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Alcoholics are trying to get sober in AA by working steps and it doesn’t work. The success rate is nil but they keep telling a new lot that come in the same thing that sent the last lot to their grave. They come to AA and listen to the spiritualists by praying and working steps for sobriety. Instead of this helping them it puts the alcoholics head in the past. That’s where it is when they are drinking and so it’s not long before they are drinking again and not going to AA.

This happens to them because they start working steps and praying for sobriety:drunk_women

They become stuck in the past and this knocks their confidence in what they are doing in their day to day life in the here and now. Alkies will identify with that awful perturbing situation of being happy and positive one minute and negative and hating life the next. This is because they have shunted from a positive, head in today state, to a negative past thinking pattern – that only another sober alkie can get them out of. Sober alcoholics in AA are the only ones who will understand what has happened to them and they also recognise when this is happening to them, at the time.

It is a bit like when kids thinks that if they keep crying they will get something that they want. This works when you are a helpless baby but as you grow you learn different strategies of behaving and thinking that work better for getting what we want. We develop better strategies for different situations we are in, as we grow up.

In a similar scenario, an alkie is stuck with the thinking and strategies he learned while drinking. That is because he had surrounded himself with others like himself, and when he gets off the alcohol that same way of thinking is all he knows. Until he gets sober.

Until then he only has the old thinking to rely on and it is completely inappropriate for sober living. He is like Rip Van Winkle waking up from a long sleep in which he is in a world that has changed and he is completely out of step.

The alkie early on in sobriety only has the drinking strategies as a way of thinking and it takes time for him to get sober. This is done by living in the day, and doing it a day at a time. He needs time to learn to deal with life in a sober manner and to deal with it at the time life is happening.

He needs to be with sober people to get the help he needs to show him how to lay down the new thinking patterns and how the new strategies work so that they are then able to use the new strategies when future situations arises. They then replace the old way of thinking with a new sober way of thinking and behaving.

This learning can not be achieved by working steps and praying for sobriety. This will only send them nuts and back to drinking. This always happens after they have been flogging themselves to death with working steps and praying like a praying mantis. They then go back to drink again. Also very few get a second chance at coming back to AA and they die.

While getting sober in AA and while they are still not sober they will only have the old strategies of the past as a way of thinking. They need time to learn that all they have to do is ask sober people. Let them do their thinking for them in the beginning.

Problem is however that now very few sober people are around in AA these days! Working steps for sobriety has caused a huge gap in sobriety in AA because people are not staying sober. The vacuum has been filled with people coming to AA who are not alcoholics and do not understand what it takes to get one sober.

Alcoholics do not have a base as in having grown up and matured when they first arrive in AA. They only have the mad ideas, in most cases of a teenager who has been pickled and learned everything they know from black and white movies and from the other drunks in the pub.

So, they do not have the maturity to understand their past. They have no ability to pick a goodie from a baddie. Its a bit like if someone smiles at them they presume they are nice people and if they grimace they are bad.

They need time to get sober. This means to get sane and to mature. To grow up and this can only happen by walking away from what kept them drunk both physically and mentally and they need to learn to live in the day, by dealing with life on a daily basis.

They need the help of someone who has got out of the hole themselves. Someone who can show them how to do the same. Thereby laying down new foundation of information in their memories. New foundations that will work for them rather than them using the old information that kept them drunk and it did not work for them anyway.

Religion and God are a personal thing. It has a different perception for everybody and everyone has their own personal understanding and belief in what God is.  It stands to reason therefor that if everybody is talking about a different perception then this type of thinking has no place in AA for alcoholics wanting to get sober – how can it?

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Finding God in Alcoholics Anonymous

Posted by admin on July 01, 2014
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God gets in the way of alcoholics getting sober in AA – That is because they are supposed to be getting sober and that means nothing else. They are not meant to be finding God. There are trained professional people in society to help anyone who wants to find God or who is having problems in this area. Why would anyone want to be advised by the two-bit amateur spiritualists in AA for their religious guidance?

For alcoholics putting anything in front of their sobriety – even God, means that alkies are not focusing on what actually gets them sober. That  is living in the day, staying away from the past and unstable people – if they are getting God they will be getting Good and saintly god-12-steps-aa=too which is open to all sorts of misinterpretation – i.e – don’t judge – give everybody our time – even our old pals from the pub and our sometimes quite mad family members.

An alkie has to listen and to judge – what makes sense and what does not – their life depends on it!

Getting God also means they have something to compete about – who is the most saintly and spiritual and proving this to everybody else.

If you are keeping it simple when getting sober there is no other competition to be concentrating on, only  – What it was like, What happened, and What it is like now – It is that simple!

If an alkie is competing the proof is there every time they open their mouth at meetings and say what they are doing and how they are trying to find God or that they have found god by working steps and praying.

The only thing that is important to them is to be getting to regular meetings, putting sobriety first before anything else.  If alcoholics are not getting sober they are dead. They need to be living in the day and putting AA first.

If they do this they end up having less and less problems, they start thinking positively, they start being clear in their thinking and in their talking, and they are enjoying life the way that they should be. It all comes out how they are going in their talking from the floor, at an AA meeting.

If they are not living like this they will experience all sorts of problems and that is what happens to people who put God and working the steps in their life before getting sober – when they do that they are not putting their sobriety first. They need to put their sobriety first by doing the above to change the thinking.

If alcoholics are getting God they will be getting less and less clear, more and more involved with unstable people and nearer and nearer to madness or to the next drink.

The 12 steps force alkies into all of this bad stuff- they are not written for the here and now. The spiritualists will say, not to judge people. Therefor what they are saying is, do not ask questions, if anything that they are supposed to be doing is actually makes any sense. Alcoholics in AA are encouraged by the step workers and spiritualists to make friends with everybody, except other alkies who are not, “on the program”. They are to be kept away from at all times.

That is like living in castles in the sky and hope that God will look after them.  Everybody who mentions steps and God sound ok to the confused alkie – who is so unclear in his own thinking as a result from going mad by working steps and praying for sobriety, and from not living in the day. By doing this he has no hope of getting sober or sane.
Life is meant to be enjoyed not endured. Something that is missed by praying and working steps for sobriety

Getting sober is all about beginning to enjoy the experience life without artificial stimulants such as alcohol. It’s about being happy and about being who you were meant to be if alcohol hadn’t gotten in the way.  AA is for getting alcoholics sober to enjoy their lives.

They have to get sober first so that they can decide on what they want to do with their lives and if that is to become a spiritual person then well and good, but they have no hope of becoming anything unless they, get sober first.

Alcoholics can not get sober unless they put “sobriety” first.  Putting “Spirituality” first means they will only end up madder and they will get drunk again or they will neck themselves. This is a common occurrence in AA by alkies who have been put on the wrong track by the step workers and the spiritualists.

They need to also stay away form recovery centres, counsellors and social workers. They have no idea what a primary alcoholic needs to be getting sober.

God does not like alcoholics. The OSM’s of AA say that if they ever met up with god in their travels they will be wanting to know what he has against alcoholics wanting to get sober in AA.

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