Alcoholics getting sober need to understand how important it is not to get into a relationship in early sobriety. You come to AA and if you are lucky enough to find someone able to help you then you have a better chance at staying sober.
The aim is to stay around long enough to get sober. Time is needed for this to happen. To get sober it has been proven it takes at least 5 to 7 years. Proven by the older sober members (OSMs) of AA who got sober on the riverbanks of Sutherland . It takes longer if you make any big mistakes. One big mistake is to get into relationships early in sobriety.
Once sober then you can then become an older sober member (OSM) of an AA group. At times you will be in a position where short-term members will need your help. The alkies who come to AA will often have many living problems. Mostly alcohol has caused these problems. Alkies can sometimes come to AA with romance on their minds.
They have emotional problems and need advice to overcome being sexually frustrated. Alkies can overcome this problem by learning to see things as they really are. Most important for them is to be on a track of getting sober. Everything else is second to that. Until he is properly sober he is likely to easily slip back into an old way of thinking, from the past. This old way of thinking needs to be recognised for what it is and be avoided. Simply because it didn’t work then so it will not work now. They instead need a new way of thinking for the future.
A fella or woman when getting sober understands that a sexual relationship early in sobriety is likely to interfere, big time, with their head. Alkies with sex problems must learn that it’s the organ at the top of the body that needs to be worked on. By doing this (looking after their head) they learn that the other organs of the body will function normally. They need to learn they will survive an emotional experience by learning to handle it properly.
He needs to understand that he has to be sober first before he thinks about being in a relationship. This is where sober AA members will talk openly with him in a mature way, and by using the ideas of today. They say to him to, “get into reality” They remind him that when he got to AA he could hardly string two words together. Let alone have it together enough be able to hold down a conversation that would impress anyone with a bit of nous.
Feelings Are Not Facts
When he’s in short-term sobriety remind him that he is a long way from being sober. He needs to understand that, feelings are not facts. Remind him that he is still mad, as a direct result of what alcohol did to his thinking, as a primary alcoholic. It’s important for him to understand that his thinking is all out of whack and he needs to give it time to fix it and to understand that his feelings and emotions are out of whack as well.
Emotions are going up and down and is a big part of what happens to alkies when getting sober. If they are on a track of getting sober they are able to recognise this shift in thinking when it happens and will be able to correct it quickly. Alkies are not kids nor idiots. They are generally very intelligent and can handle the truth. If on the other hand they don’t get the truth they will know it, and they will go searching elsewhere for it. Be truthful with them in a way they will understand and be secure talking to you about any problem understanding their crazy mixed up feelings they have in early sobriety.