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Reflections Group: Doesn’t Reflect on Sobriety

Posted by admin on April 04, 2017
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Some AA Meetings has a Reflections group format stated as an AA meeting. Primary’s (allergic to alcohol) don’t get sober at these meetings. Instead they are very often turned off from going to meetings at all, they are so bad.

Some say that only 1% of people who walk through the doors of AA will stay long enough to get sober. Media reports sometimes say anything up to 10% of the people introduced to AA stay. This percentage is false. For a starter they’re only guessing a percentage because there’s no way of knowing how many people walk through the doors.

AA’s foundation is anonymity. No records are kept and so no one knows who comes or who goes. However even if 1% stay the walls of AA meetings would be bulging with happy sober people. They are not, instead meetings are closing down due to lack of members.
A member reported recently attending a Daily Reflections group meeting and noted how wrong things were. Wrong in the way that the meeting was not in line with the original format of AA meetings. Primaries (people allergic to alcohol) will not get sober at these types of meetings and they need to be avoided at all cost. These types meetings will send an alcoholic nuts, therefor these meetings kill alcoholics.

The wrongs of Reflection Groups:

1. Reflection groups only go for an hour. Traditional AA meetings always go for an hour and a half. Meetings would only start at 8pm, so people who work can attend. It’s so important for people to be work when getting sober. They have travel time, time to eat, and time to find the meeting before it starts if they haven’t been before.

2. Daily Reflections meetings (meeting weekly) are not set up properly. One had around 45 people in attendance. The secretary had them sit in not one but 3 circles. 3 circles around with the chairman sitting in the middle.

This meant that people in the outer circle and middle circle were talking to everyone’s back. The people sitting inner circle were talking to people on the other side of the chairman and to the people behind them. Virtually no eye contact for anyone. It was hard to see who was talking most of the time. They have to be blockheads running the meeting. Not alcoholics.

The chairman started the meeting by reading Chapter 5 of the Big Book, How It Works (how it doesn’t work it should be). Luckily he read at a reasonable speed. Sometimes it’s a slow process for a variety of reasons that we won’t go into right now. The meeting went only for an hour. Next he asked someone to read out the 12 Traditions. Then after that another book called “Daily Reflections”.

3. Then back to the chairman who’s now ready to start the meeting. He reminded people it’s only an hour meeting so they needed to ‘share the time. There were 40 to 45 people and after the readings they had 40 minutes left to speak. That is absolutely crazy.

4. Out of the 8 or so people who go to speak only 1 or 2 briefly identified – meaning told a little of their story. The rest with a few minutes each to speak, instead of telling their story, praised god. For what, who knows?

Panic Attack

One women in her 5 minutes said she was sober for a short time. She now has god in her life due to ‘doing the steps’ and said ‘that is lovely.’ In the next breath she said that, just last week, she had a Panic Attack. She thought she was going to die. She knew what was happening because she had them before.

It was so sad because she did not relate her results (the panic attack) to what she was doing. The women couldn’t see she was not getting sober. The panic attack was a direct result of what she was doing. God is not the right one to be seeking help from in the meetings. This point is often lost.

No time to identify

The next person asked to speak is a male. He simply praised god for him being there, and so it went on. Many said the same as each other. One bloke had a 1st birthday and so during the 40 minute meeting a Birthday Card went around for everyone to sign. This often happens at meetings and it’s so very distracting.

Having sobriety birthdays is so silly. On closing the meeting everyone formed a large circle by holding hands and before saying the Serenity Prayer to close they sang happy birthday to the bloke who’s a year sober. Wacky do! …won’t see him next year.

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Getting Sober In An AA Group

Posted by admin on October 01, 2012
aa, alcoholism / 2 Comments

Getting sober in an AA group is the only way to possibly succeed. It is risky when trying to find the right group. It’s not as risky as not having a group and trying to get sober on your own though. So very few are making it in AA these days and not having a group is the main reason why.

It’s certainly not easy to find a group with sober people. If you find one join it and stay there until you’re sober enough to be able to sort the oats-from-the-chaff.

It’s also not easy to know who’s who in those early days in AA.  You tend to think everyone knows what they are doing, but in fact they don’t. Staying sober and sane needs to always be the number one priority.

Alkies in normal situations are logical thinkers. It’s only the alcohol that caused them to have problems when drinking. When getting sober they need to know that they are with people they can trust.

If they are not and the situation does not seem normal then the danger is that they can start thinking that there is something wrong with themselves. That is instead of realising that the information they are getting from the meetings is deficient or that they are being told lies on certain issues.

It is said in groups that alkies need to find an Older Sober Member (OSM) to help them get sober. It is said that if they can find one to help them, then it’s the same as winning the lottery. It’s hard to know who to trust in AA and it’s important to know how the OSM got sober themselves.

You can have a situation where a group member will tell you how to get sober when it is in fact not how they did it themselves. They can omit telling the short-termers that they were off the grog before attending AA and that they were attending another 12 step program before coming to AA. They can omit that they had a sponsor from one of these other 12 step meetings and not from AA.

In such a situation they are liable to say that they are sober for x amount of years and that they are a product of AA and the short-termer believes them because they do not know any better.

By an omission such as this it infers that the person claiming sobriety came to AA, met sober members and that they got sober because of it. They imply that they achieved sobriety by following group recommendations. The same ones they advise newcomers to their AA group to follow. They also say that if you do not follow their group recommendations that you will not stay sober.

It can be true, however if you are not in the same situation as the one who is telling you, i.e. who is in a relationship with an OSM, then you will, in fact, be needing different information to operate on then what they are getting. It is a case of them being in a relationship, secretly, and they are pretending to be getting sober as a single person, when in fact they are not. In such a situation they are telling a lie to the other group members. The lie is that you are getting sober the same way as you.

How the lie hurts member of the group who are not in a relationship with an OSM is that they are being pedaled a story that they are in a similar situation to the ones in the secret relationships – when in fact they are not in a similar situation at all. Single people have very different problems to overcome then the ‘married’ person has.

A person in a secret relationship is the same as if being married. They are giving a false impression that it’s easy to get sober as a single person because they are doing it, when they are not. They will say that you can get sober by just going to meetings, talking to sober people and by getting the information from the OSM’s of your group. They often do not mention that it’s the ‘living the sobriety’ on a day to day basis that matters the most. By that I mean Learning how to live as a sober person and getting the information needed, on a daily basis.

Difference is that you have to wait until you see the OSM next time at a meeting, to talk about issues that crop up. The married person who is living with an OSM has them on hand 24/7, there to answer any questions or to satisfy any other needs that they have.

Being involved in the big lie by the person in a relationship while getting sober hides the fact, from the single person, that they have an advantage over the single person. The advantage is that they are learning how to live in a sober relationship. They don’t have to think for themselves in the way a single person does when getting sober.

In comparison, the single and the married persons can both be in the same situation, by going to work, lets say, where both are:

  • learning how to handle people on a day to day basis. The married one however has an OSM to talk to about their experience that day and how it relates to them getting sober. They can discuss any problems they have, where the single person does not have that advantage.
  • The single alkie when getting sober needs to learn to manage their finances, while if in a relationship this is done for you by the OSM partner.
  • The alkie getting sober in a relationship does not have to worry about cooking and feeding themselves when they come home from work or worry about shopping or not worry about getting to meetings each day. They can have a day off to do their washing and it’s quite okay by their own standards. The same is not acceptable for a single member of the same group though. For them there’s no excuse for missing a meeting.
  • The one in a relationship doesn’t need to think about planning any trips for themselves, or even buying a new car or buying clothes or have to worry about managing and running a household. All the things that a single alkies has to do for themselves while they’re getting sober, and they have no idea how to do these things properly as a single person.
  • More importantly the married one has their physical and emotional needs met where a single person has to cope with a lot of loneliness. At the same time they are forbidden to be in a relationship, unless it’s with an OSM of their own group.

In this situation the person in a relationship with an OSM has never had the same problems as the single person in the group has had when getting sober.

Alkies need the basic information to be getting sober. They also need to know who is who in the meetings, they need a lot of new and different information from what they were operating on when they were drinking. They also need the truth from their group member to enable them to survive and the truth is that none of us will ever be perfect, but that they can still survive – with care and with being careful of who they mix with. They also need to know that they can still be themselves and that they will survive and can even thrive. Staying sober and sane means they have their lives before them as they have never had before as a sober person.

 

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In Memory of AA Members Who Don’t Make it Such as Stevie Ray Vaughan

Posted by admin on March 22, 2012
aa / 2 Comments

To be making a recording of AA members at an AA  meeting is not the right thing to do. Many people do not know that what they do at meetings is wrong. Many new members are in a confused state of mind, which is evident in some recordings on YouTube. They do not realise they are not in the company of people who can not help them to get sober.

There are people wanting to control alcoholic in AA and this is a problem. Sometimes I hope permission is given to have someone’s story posted up on YouTube. A chairperson at a meeting introduces sponsors on tape who are not much more sober then their sponsee. Also many times they will identify as a drug addict rather than an alcoholic. They sometimes comment that a sponsee “has helped a lot of people”

How can they possibly help people until they are properly sober themselves. The people around them have no idea what they are doing if they allow someone to sponsor people while they are still in short term sobriety themselves.

The facts are that if someone was trying to help someone else in short term sobriety then they would be jeopardizing their own sobriety. The sober OSM’s will tell you that human nature is that a negative person can pull you negative before you are able to pull them positive. So this means that new members of AA are trying to help other people before being properly sober themselves then they will most definitely be the losers.

Examples are in videos on YouTube of people in AA I am disgusted that some people in AA are responsible for the poor condition that other members are in. People are in AA masquerading as alcoholics. They do not give newcomers any good advice on how to get sober. AA is not about finding god and most alcoholics are smart enough to know it and move on.

The spiritualists and step workers and a few others will tell them that they are in AA to be finding god. They will send an alkie completely nuts if he tries to do what they say and try to be finding god. the alkie is doomed if he tries.

It happens many times in AA meetings where people are put on the wrong track. Worse still sponsors do not change what they are doing for the next person so that they may get a different result the next time, with the next person.

They do not learn from mistakes made. New people come along to AA meetings thinking the people there know what they are doing. They do not, and the new comer pays the price. They pay with their life. The step workers and the spiritualists will continuously put new people coming through the doors on a track that sent the last lot running from AA.

AA works because of the anonymity of its members. Their anonymity is not kept these days. Not since many older members have gone and are not being replaced with sober people. Anonymity is the foundation stone as to why AA is successful. AA was set up for the privacy of alcoholics to get sober. Nothing more, nothing less.

Do you know of someone who did not get the necessary help they needed in AA ? Example is this great talented star being in an inexplicable place. Definitely in a place doing a gig where he, not in a million years should have been.

 

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