If you are asking can a relationship with an alcoholic survive the short answer is ‘no’ It is said that there are always exceptions to any rule however it is not advisable to get into a relationship when he or she is alcoholic drinking. Also during a time of getting sober. For an alcoholic, a relationship at this time spells disaster. That is because it is likely the two will have nothing in common. Nothing except possibly the alcohol, if they are both drinking. Often during a relationship like this he spends the time trying to prove that he has not made a mistake, when in fact he has.
Sometimes he may even get married and it lasts for a while. Chances are that it will end in divorce. A relationship for an alcoholic while drinking is never successful for any length of time.
Together for the wrong reason’s
Although his life is unmanageable due to alcohol he is usually a good worker and a good money earner. He has to be resourceful in this way, due to the way that he drinks. He needs lots of money. That earning capacity makes him an attractive catch to some women. They are in fact together for the wrong reasons.
Many women like the security of someone who is bringing in a good regular income. His drinking is overlooked or it could even be seen as an advantage by some women who like to take control in relationships.
They see that an alkie is easily manipulated when he is drinking. In most situations he is not seeing the situation as it really is so he is oblivious to things going on around him. Including the partner playing up behind his back.
The victim not the perpetrator
A lot is said in the media on abusive alcoholic relationships. The partner is said to be enduring hardship of some sort or another because of his drinking. Sorry I do not buy this story at all. The reason I do not feel sorry for someone in a relationship with an alcoholic is this:
- The alcoholic is the victim. He is the victim of alcohol and of any nutter who wants to get hold of him – which is usually for their own advantage.
- When drinking he is not in control of his life. Therefor everyone else around him is in control.
- An alcoholic who is sober will say that once they find out what is wrong with them, after going to AA, they then have to take a good look at the people around them and wonder what is wrong with them.
- This is because they realize that, they (themselves) would not put up with anyone like themselves for 5 minutes, if it had not been for the affects of alcohol.
It is sometimes sensationalized in the media that the poor woman is victim of a abusive alcoholic relationship. This does not makes sense. Simply because she has a choice. That is that she can leave. She does not have to put up with any abuse. So who is really the victim in such a situation?
Got to be cruel to be kind
The kindest thing someone can do for a practicing alcoholic is to leave him. That is because propping him up will only keep him longer away from doing something positive about himself, and before it’s too late. Fact is he may think he is O.K. and not that bad, if someone is propping him up, as the saying goes.
At this point I would like to make something very clear. This is that there are many people who have other problems besides alcohol and who also like to drink and who are not alcoholics. They are the nutters who drink and become violent in drink. Alcohol can affect nutters badly and can cause their problems, whatever they may be, to be worse. Drinking alcohol for these people can cause a result of them hurting themselves or others.
This type of person (the nutter who drinks) is the one who gives the poor old alkie a bad name. This is because a nutter who drinks and has adverse effects are regularly referred to as alcoholics – by counselors and by the mainstream media – when in fact they are not alcoholics at all.
Primary Alcoholics are misunderstood
A primary alcoholic is misunderstood due to many factors including these people who have other problems and who drink alcohol. An alcoholic is in fact someone who is allergic to alcohol and is not a perpetrator he is a victim. This allergy to alcohol causes him to have a personality change. Putting aside what anyone else may think of him, the personality change causes him to become someone he doesn’t like – because he can not live up to his own expectations.
Commenting on this topic in encouraged and questions about the practicing alcoholic will be answered. Please understand though that a person who is not an alcoholic does not understand properly, the problems of an alcoholic.